Hi Maryellen
I haven't ventured into the
journal area yet. I think it takes a lot of courage to openly journal, but it is probably the best help of all here.
Gosh, I probably should have before just coming out with that. I'm not arguing with you, you are correct... but I honestly didn't consider it as dirty laundry. In RL I am surrounded by people who don't like the taste of coffee necessarily, but drink pots of it to stay wired through the day. I live in the great northwest, with expresso stands on every corner *lol*
I've been a dieter since I was a kid, too. I've also battled daily chronic fatigue. Before buying phen on line I went to the doctor just for that purpose. I had every test, even an echocardigram to check the soundness of my heart. They all seemed to check out fine. So my doctor tried to treat my fatigue from the angle of depression, which at the time I certainly was. He prescribed an anti-depressive med for a while. No change at all.
So I started buying the phen on line to slim down so I could get around without a problem. That was my honest intention. When it became so expensive to buy, I sort of gave up on being able to use it everyday to help my appetite. I saved it for days when people needed me to be busy.
That seemed almost noble to me. heh... I was conserving my resources to serve the greater good. I never took it without scrubbing down walls, or being on my toes to chase little kids around.
I'm very glad that it didn't work out in the long run. I had to see that whatever I was telling myself, it was wrong.
I don't feel bad that you were an abuser. Aren't we all in some way, at some time? Some people abuse credit cards, or politics, or religion, others abuse their family and friends emotionally and when they continue its because they all feel they are doing it for a worthy cause.
I doubly respect anyone who can admit a problem and try to change. In fact, that's the only kind of person I really trust.
Do you see my sig? Telling myself sweet little lies has gotten me where I am today, struggling with massive weight. Life has its way of teaching us the truth.
Thanks for sharing your insight and good wishes
