[thewomanwithin67]

Thanks to a new post, I found this thread and tried to post this morning but my isp went haywire and crashed.

With so much to read and not enough time, I missed this thread completely.

I haven't ever been ashamed of how much I eat, but how much I weigh or how "big" I am. I have never been one to overeat, but have chosen the wrong things to eat and didn't get any true exercise for one reason or another. Maybe it was just easier to hide behind my weight and I got comfortable using it as a shield for the anger I felt.

That's part of the reason I gained weight, hiding was easier and punishing myself made me not care.

I started in June 2005 between 296-299 depending on the day. Off and on over the next 6 mths I lost some weight, but it wasn't until I was scheduled for surgery did I get serious and change my lifestyle. January 2006, I went to my pcp and had lost down to 272 and decided on Lap Band Surgery.

On March 30, 2006 after 3 or 4 attempts to schedule surgery and insurance problems I cleared my pantry and put only things I was allowed to eat on one shelf and labelled it MOM lol

I remember the first time I got on my treadmill that had sat in the corner for almost 2 years - I felt like I was going to die; literally. My chest burned, I coughed for 10 or 15 min and my legs hurt so freakin bad I thought I had ran a marathon.

TWO minutes @ 2.0 mp I went and took a shower and cried the whole time. I used to run 5-7 miles 3 or 4 days a week and walk for 15-20 after and then walk on the other days UPHILLS in NW Alabama and I couldn't walk more than 2 minutes.

I could use the excuse I have severe Endometriosis or Adenomyosis, but my time for excuses is over. I had surgery 3 years ago and found out I have contractions all the time and when it's severe, it's at the rate of 1 min childbirth. I was approved for 2-750 mg Vicodin 3 x's a day via my specialist and BCBS. I took them for awhile and hated the way I felt, so I went off of them. Now I make sure an hour or two before I exercise I take OTC Ibuprofen for swelling and pain.

I started out with 124 - 149 pounds to lose and have lost almost 80. It's been painfully slow and I haven't lost quickly like some others have. I think I have learned so much from losing this way, and will keep it off when I get to my goal.

I set a goal of 175, because the lowest weight I've been as a non-pregnant adult is 173, and I can live with that. When I get there I'll decide if I want to lose more and set the other goal of 155-160.

I started exercising 4-6 times a week again in Jan 2007. I am up to 3.5 mp, 7-10 incline for 40-45 minutes, and yet I cry again!

grrr I must be going through menopause to be so emotional. I made another goal and all I do is get weepy.

The point of my post is to get back up if you fall down, if you don't do everything right one day, tomorrow is another day and you CAN start all over.

I'm not sure what I'm afraid of most; failing to reach my goals or when I get there what I will do or who I've become....

[susanpesek]

Thank you for such a great post of sharing your own struggles, Womanwithin! You have held onto your 80 pound loss and that is a miraculous thing to do!
Though I am not really ashamed, I remember times in my life when I didn't buy a bikini because of my purplish stretch marks. Other times I was so plump I refused to go swimming OR to the gym because my thighs rubbed together at the top.
The sooner we accept who we are inside and change our unhealthy habits, the better! I VOW not to ever have to do this again. It sounds like you never will, either!
Just wanted to tell you, BRAVO, GIRLFRIEND!! BRAVO!

[oopsadaisy]

Hi thewomanwithin
Welcome to the boards. I have been here for over a year but dont always post all the time. I have been where you are. A year and a half ago I also weighed 280lbs. When I started the Phen I was 275lbs..Im now 175lbs. When I say this...I mean it..if I can do it so can you. There was no one worse than me for at least 15 years of my life. It is the hardest thing in the world to lose weight and the easiest to gain it. I am a stress eater. At first I did it to get my husband to notice me..and to not have people stare or make rude comments, but now I find that the only person that really matters is me. If im comfortable with myself then thats all that matters. My friends tell me I look like I have lost a lot of weight..but I still look in the mirror and see a fat person. I have been doing that for so long I dont see it will ever wear off. I cant excercise due to bad arthritis in my knees (hereditary) and I also have bad kidneys. So I do no excercise at all...only the diet. Dont worry about not being able to walk the walk..I did it without it. You mention your afraid of what you will be like when you reach your goal. I understand what you mean by that too. My husband is now giving me all the affection I once craved from him but now I find myself not wanting it...feeling bitter thinking why couldnt he have been like this when I was heavier.. I am still the same person..is he that shallow?? or is it me? While Im feeling a whole lot better health wise, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is not what I imagined. I have resigned to keep on the Phen..keep eating healthy and not worry anymore about my weight. I will play the hand I have been dealt and be content with it. Well I will give it my best shot..thats all I can do..thats all you can do. Good Luck..I know you will do this!!
Daisy x

If there is no wind, Row! ~ Latin proverb

[susanpesek]

Hi, Daisy! I think sometimes our insecurities give us such a poor perception of ourselves that the low self esteem may be a bigger turn off than the poounds. It may be that your DH responded to that when deciding whether he might 'approach' you in that way. My hubby swears that happens and that men who truly love their wives are always attracted.....something to think about!
We are so proud of you!

[nikkimacawgirl]

i was just reading this about the not excersizing, i have either arthritis or a messed up muscle in my back causing scoliosis, and ALOT of stiffness and pain. especially when it rains or snows, and lately here in indiana we have had a combination of both, so im lucky i can walk on somedays it hurts so bad. not to mention i work fulltime midnights, so im ALWAYS tired ugh! i dont force myself to excersize,when i can i do. i have a sedentary bike right in front of the tv, i will get my macaws and they will sit on my shoulder and talk or just hang out with mommy, i try to get myself into a good movie and have movie and birdy time to forget that i am excersizing. i could never do a treadmill, the last time i tried i couldnt move i was very stiff and cried when i sat down. i tried pilates, had problems with alot of the excersize with my back. it really sucks. i eat much lighter now not craving food a million times a day, i battle obesity in my family and diabetes. i am already hypogylcemic i hit this point when i was 28 and got up to my first biggest weight of 210, lost it got down to 175 and felt great then it snuck back up 8 years later and i got up to my biggest weight of 224 had blood sugar drops and problems, so i got on phen, im winning now over my genetics, just about 22lbs (.2 away) my sugar is balancing and i feel better. i am 5/9 and have always hid my weight well luckily, but it makes a big difference on how i felt physically. do what you can and be proud of yourself, instead of crying when you can only do a little, make those tears of happiness, you are doing more than you once did and thats what counts!! good luck to you (and good luck to me too in my continous battle of genetics)
we are all winners no matter how little or how much we loose and thats what we have to remember!

[oopsadaisy]

Nikki
You are doing so well girl..keep it up..it is possible without exercise. I have proven it. Like you I try to do what I can and be happy with it. I foster dogs so Im always out walking them miles. Thats about all I can manage to do. As long as I am still able to do that I'm happy with life. Your macaws are adorable..I love parrots. I always wanted one but my hubby traveled so much it wouldnt have been fair to the bird. I have ended up with an obnoxious cockateil. Hes a kind of jekl and hyde character. One minute hes a lover bird the next you have a new piercing in your ear!! The dogs are all put in their place by him too unless they want a hole in their nose!
Keep at it girl..that weight will come off slowly and surley!
Good luck to you and have a great weekend!
Daisy x

[susanpesek]

Just wanted to add my 2 cents:
That was great advice! You CAN lose, even without exercise. I am on crutches for some physical problems I may carry with me through life and though I 'work out', it is many times from a seated position.
Squeezes can help you maintain some type feeling of control. For example, tighten quad muscles and release, 10-20 reps, 3x a day.
Find what you CAN do, and DO IT!

[findingme4me]

Hi everyone I just took sometime to read through this thread and there is alot of great support given here and I love it, I hope lots more people find this and see that they just have to do a little to feel better about who they are. everyone has there days dont get me wrong....but anyday you can come here and someone will help you see the better side of the day. well i hope that you all are still on board and be talk to you all soon!
Cassandra