I am so sad

cindyu · 08-25-2008, 10:26 PM

Last week my dog that is such a part of my family (since my kids are grown) suddenly got sick and after a few days she had to be put down. She was only nine, but very healthy and I had expected her to live to 15 or even longer.

So I am crying all the time and I have ate a few things beyond reason. Chips and guac for one. Pepsi for two. Wine because I cannot go to sleep as I keep thinking if I had done things differently or faster she might still be alive. I have never been this sad at the loss of a pet. Granted she was the best one I've ever had....but at this point I think I have cried more with her death than my step-mother, mother-in-law and father-in-law all together. And that makes me feel guilty too. Could this med be making me more depressed than I would normally be? Or more easy to cry and harder to get past things. I literally just walk into a room and think of her and break into tears. it is four days later.

I am also wondering if I will even lose weight or more likely....how much am I going to gain. I care and I don't care.

**susanpesek** · 08-26-2008, 12:05 AM

Oh, Cindyu, I am so very sorry. I have a beagle who is much, much loved, too. We've had him 2 years and he is a real member of the family. It is an extremely difficult thing, especially for those sensitive-hearted folks like you, to lose a pet. They not only love the hardest, but they hurt the hardest. I guess that's part of it, but it's hard to bear.

We had a terrier for 8 years. She was a joy and an outside dog. We bought a new chain for her that wouldn't hurt her neck and put it right at the door so she could come in and out.

ONCE we left her alone. ONCE. But that's all it took. I didn't even realize how greatly her life was wrapped around mine and I grieved daily for ages. The guilt was overwhelming. I went into a deep depression, too, for what I had lost, but I had to open my heart to a lesson, too.

I realized after someone said to me,"It's just a dog! Get over it!" that the amount of love and grief we feel has nothing to do with the object of our love, but about who we are, what matters to us, what feelings we GAVE, not the color, weight, size, breed, type or any definitive description of the receiver of the love.Yours was a lucky dog to have won your heart.

You are a much-loving person and I am so sorry for your pain.

cindyu · 08-26-2008, 06:27 PM

Hi Susan,

Thank you so much for your comments. I cannot tell you how many have said Lady was "just a dog" and I will get over it soon or get a new puppy and you will forget her. I had taken her to a new vet after my current long time vet couldn't figure out what was wrong on day one. He had her for three days during the days (I brought her home at night) and he treated her for three different things. So finally the 3rd day I took her to another "new" vet, supposed to be the best in my state. They told me within 30 minutes and two tests. Results surgery. Costs about $3,000 more. I had spent over $1,400 to this point.

I don't have that kind of money, but I do have a credit card. I would have done it, but by this time, she was very weak and very sick and running a temp and the vet said too many "ifs" about her chances and her recovery. I just wonder if I should have paid the money and taken the chances now.

My Mom told me that was too much money to "waste" on a dog when there are so many needy people out in the world. This really made me angry. She goes shopping for things she doesn't need more days in a week than she stays home. I told her that I give a lot to others, but Lady gave to me and if I wanted to spend my money on her....instead of three new dresses I didn't need or would never wear or ten movies or going out to eat all the time, I could. I said Hollywood people spend that much on a pair of jeans.

Anyway.....I do have other dogs (I have a farm where I raise sheep), but none of them are in the house and I'm not as close to them, although I love each and every one of them. I'm trying to spend lots of time with them. But it doesn't make the pain and missing her go away at all.

If you are reading this, do you think this medicine can make it easier for me to go into a depression? I'm trying to get back on track with my diet. I didn't gain any with my splurge thankfully. Although once again.....I care and part of me doesn't care. Just thinking about the time and money I've put in up to this point.

Cindy

**susanpesek** · 08-26-2008, 08:18 PM

Whether or not you should have spent the money can't concern you now. It's over, past, done. There are always going to be some decisions that you second guess, but we do as well as we are able when we need to make the decision. I don't think you could have lived with yourself had you not decided as you did.
Maybe a letter to the 1st vet with a request to forego the bill is in order if you feel like Lady had been misdiagnosed.

On the other hand, there are many things we cannot change. Remind yourself you made the best decision you could as her owner.

Try not to make any decision in the heat of the moment. When faced with tough decisions, that's when our PREDETERMINED decisions are the most helpful.

1. Don't wait until you are at the buffet to decide what to eat and in what proportion.
2. Never decide whether or not to have surgery for you or your anmals in the midst of an emergency. Make a thoughtful decision now how to handle things when an emergency arrives, because it will.
3. You haven't gained! HURRAY!@!!!! Congrats on that one, Girl!

ronni · 10-28-2008, 06:29 PM

I have been through what you are going through.....I had two fawn Shar-pei...I could not have loved them more if I had born them myself...They were the reason I smiled.
I lost both of them within a short time apart....It took such a long time to get over them,it seemed to help to have there ashes with me and I put pictures of them all over my house so I could still see there sweet faces...slowly it became a bitter sweet memory...this was over 10 yrs ago and I have still not got another Shar-pie but I know one day I will when I see the same thing in its eyes that I saw in my Issie and Bulah's eyes...but for now I enjoy my daughters dogs.
I will always be so greatful for the time I had with them and I would never take anything for it....I am so sorry for you lost,I can feel your pain. But know that this will pass and you will be full of wonderful memorys

**melmeansmelissa** · 10-28-2008, 09:43 PM

This post made tears come to my eyes. My ex husband and I are going through something similar with a cat, though this will be a longer process. When we divorced my ex and I each took one cat, but we love them both equally. Danny’s kitty has Cancer. The doctor gives her a couple more months, tops. She is not in pain because it has not spread to her organs yet. But in due time . . .

Sometimes you just have to take some mental health time. You do! Don’t think of how this will affect your weight either way. It’s important you grieve on your own time. There are no rules or timelines with this kind of thing. So have your guac if you want it. Cancel an appointment and take a hot bath. Buy some shoes. No matter how frivolous if it helps you then it’s a good thing.

My heart goes out to you.

Melissa