[illustr8r]

Please forgive such a long forum entry, but I really need someone who can help me to understand what has happened to me. My girlfriend of one year, "Elsa," quit me back on June 6th (for the purposes of this story, I'll call myself Stan and my girlfriend Elsa). I am 46 and Elsa is 41. Elsa is asthmatic, takes albuterol and uses an inhaler (I can't remember what medicine she takes via the inhaler). She also has episodes of chest pains, which a specialist has suggested may be anxiety-based, although she does not take medication for this. Our relationship had always been a very passionate one, we had great fun together and always tried to defuse problems by talking them out immediately.
Sometime around late April/early May, she began having body weight issues. She said that she had gained a lot of weight during her initial battles with asthma (she had been 'diagnosed' within the last 2-3 years, I believe) and she wanted to get back down to her customary weight of around 140 lb. When she decided this, her height was 5'4", she weighed about 170 lb. and her BMI was a little under 30. She went to a doctor who sent her to a diet professional and she was given phentermine 37.5, which I believe she began taking in the last part of May. Very soon afterwards, she was bursting with energy at the job we both work at, but I didn't see her outside of the job for a little bit of time as I was working with my son's pony league baseball team (I have 2 sons, 10 and 13, while she has a 21-year-old daughter). She became distant and aloof seemingly almost instantly. I went to see her on, I think, June 1 and she would not sit next to me on her couch until I kind of nudged her over to me even though she was very happy with me as late as May 26th, when she went for a short outing with some friends of hers and e-mailed her love.
Then, on June 6th, 2008, it all came to a crashing halt. It was her birthday and I was trying to see if we could come up with plans for the two of us when she told me that she didn't feel any intimacy towards me anymore, stating that there were things that I had done and said that made her gradually "die inside." Among these things were a few times I would promise to come by if I got a chance, not be able to get by, but not call right away to let her know (we had a conversation months ago about this and I agreed that it was inconsiderate and promised never to let it happen again. And I didn't). Another thing that bothered her was that we had a conversation after I was late picking up my sons from school a couple of times (I should've been leaving her house earlier) during which I told her that no matter how good a time I'm having,"my kids come first," (before our private time) so I would have to leave her house earlier. She told me that she understood that the kids come first, so why should I say that except to "throw it in her face". If these things that I said or did were this bad, why did she not mention them when we always talk out things? She went on to tell me that for the vast part of our relationship, "everything was always Stan, Stan, Stan" and she said that she would ignore chances to be with her friends, do other things and go places to be with me. Elsa was feeling that she had kind of put her life on hold for me, and that she was going to 're-balance' her life.
Since then we have seen each other almost exclusively at work. When once we e-mailed each other several times a week, she has e-mailed me twice since June 6. She usually will not call me unless it is to respond to a call I've left on her voicemail. Most of the time she is not unfriendly, but certainly reserved. A few times, though, she seemed to be a little flirty with me, so I'm not sure what to make of it. Also, I don't know if this is important, but I think she takes her pill when she gets home from work or when she wakes up in the afternoon (we are night workers, 11pm to 7am).
I saw her on her birthday to give her present to her (she didn't know that I was coming) and a couple of weeks ago I saw her twice at home while I was fixing her computer. When I try to get together with her she waffles and says that she'll have to see 'how her schedule is' because she has so many things that she is trying to get taken care of. From what I have been reading about phentermine, though, in addition to conversations we have had at work, I’m sure that she is spending a great deal of time sleeping.
Since our breakup, I know that she has begun to go out dancing every week (to help burn off calories and because she loves to dance, which I know to be true), and she has made a couple of other lifestyle changes. We have also had conversations in which she stated that she was tired of having to wait on her friends or others who 'slowed her down' when she was ready to do things or go places. In another conversation, I mentioned being worried about someone I know who is hallucinating, altough my choice of words was,"seeing things." Oddly, she became defensive and said, basically, that science tries to stigmatize people who 'see things'simply because it's beyond sciences understanding. This seemed so odd to me that it made me wonder whether she, too, was 'seeing things.'
The last conversation I had with her, about the possibility of a reconciliation, had her tell me that although I was a 'nice' guy, there would never be anything inside of her for me than friendship. She felt that all her relationships with men turn sour because she gives so much love but doesn't feel that she really gets anything back. At her age, she said, what more could there be for her as far as relationships (reminder: she's only 41)? She basically said that she was giving up on sex and on men for the foreseeable future because she was incapable right now of feeling love for another man.
Even as I type right now, I still have knots in my stomach because of the loss of her. I can't understand how things could have gotten like this. Elsa had always been a very sweet woman, one of the kindest and most loving women I have had the pleasure to know, but this change came absolutely out of nowhere. What could I have done? I tried to think of all the things that had changed between the last time she loved me and the day she dropped me. Eventually, I decided to do some research on phentermine and some of the side-effects may have some bearing upon what has happened. I don't believe in Jekyll-and-Hyde stuff, but could her sudden change of attitude have anything to do with her diet-pill usage, or am I just clutching at straws, unable to deal with something I may have done to bring this about? Is she just making changes in her life and I happen to be one of them? Should I wait for her to come off of this medicine and then try to reason with her, should I just swallow hard and try to get over her (even though I'm not sure I can), or can anyone suggest another alternative? Don't sugar-coat your answers or advice: I'm looking for information that I NEED to hear, whether or not I WANT to. By the way, I tried to keep this as short as possible, so don't hesitate to ask for additional details where necessary.

[susanpesek]

WOW! You put a whole lot of yourself into your words. I could feel your pain as it's quite obvious you dearly love this lady. It is a traumatic thing for each of us who goes through this type of imbalanced relationship, where one is devoted to another who is wants to remain platonic.

It's also extremely hard for outsiders to see the inside of another's relationship, but judging solely from what you have told me, I would say that for your healing, the best thing would be to cut off the relationship on your terms, not hers. I see no future for you and would love to see you making the last move and holding your head high as you do. You seem to be a man of integrity and I'd love to see you keep it.

We do have a gal here who REALLY knows how to help you. She is Gillian...9reasons is her moniker...She doesn't make much of it but she's a doctor and knows her stuff!

PS I don't think there is even the slightest chance this could be caused by phentermine alone.

[phenewbie]

It wasn't anyone or anything, you just weren't right for each other. Phen certainly makes me cranky and hard to be around, and definately overreactive.... so you had better believe in the jekyll and hyde stuff because I'm proof. Still, if a diet pill makes her cranky enough to drive the two of you apart, what would a REAL health issue do? Wasn't meant to be if something so trivial as a single diet pill a day (sure it's just one per day?) would cause so many problems. I think a lot of this is feelings she already had. Speaking of things she already had, how do you know she didn't doesn't have undiagnosed bipolar disorder or some other mental condition that ordinarily isn't a big deal (or she hides or well), but the phen really amplifies it? Dun dun dun..... or maybe you just weren't right for each other. Like susan said, if Phen had anything to do with it I don't believe it was JUST phen. She felt this way already.

My friend's mom lost like 200 pounds and now (for some reason) only dates men half her age. Your guess is as good as mine.

You're right in saying your kids came first. I agree with her on her comments on hallucinations. Maybe she is hallucinationg (not that that would necessarily be a real problem if it didn't really affect her driving or anything, but I doubt she is) but simply saying something she views positively in a negative light could piss her off, and when a lot of people on Phen get pissed off, they REALLY get pissed off and over trivial things. If someone I know drums their fingers or chews the "wrong" way, it drives me crazy and I really have to restrain mysself, or leave.

She may have gotten defensive because she DOES hallucinate, which would play into the whole undiagnosed phychological problem argument. I think you should forget about her, atleast romantically, but I promise it wasn't anyone's fault, or the drug alone. It's possible that Phen makes her irritable (but that should split the two of you up.. not phen and phen alone!) but another diet pill wouldn't.

She may be a lesbian if she's sick of men. Hey, you said not to sugar coat. Maybe she's tried to have relationships with men so much that she's sick of trying to achieve something that's not going to happen? A lot of gay people don't come to terms with their sexuality for a long, long time. Regardless of her sexuality or any mental problems or what pills she's taking, it's nothing you did or said.

[tbooth22]

maybe you have just grown apart.... were there any problems before she started the phen?

[illustr8r]

Thanks for the responses. I have been speaking to a co-worker in her area who has known her for a long time and has apparently seen her (I'm not sure yet) taking her phentermine during her work shift. If this is true, she could very well be abusing her prescription. I have seen her taking pills in the late morning/early afternoon (we are night workers and usually go right to sleep after work). I am even now trying to contact her daughter to possibly verify this. Wouldn't her prescribing doctor notice the discrepancy between recommended dosages and the amount of time between refills? I am beginning to wonder whether she may have gotten her pills from the internet. How would I be able to tell?

[sahmof4]

I was hoping to get more input from some more members on here.

[lew0465]

I was very emotional for the first month taking phentermine and I could hardly stand to be around my DH! I was pretty upset over it because he is the best and hadnt done a damn thing wrong.I got better,and I wish you the best of luck.

[lilflirt44]

Since I have been taking phen, I have been edgy sometimes stressed (could be the planning of the wedding though?) and down right mean sometimes to my fiance. I know that the mood changes are a side effect of the phentermine, because even my pharmacist and Dr. both told me I may experience moodiness. However after reading your message, I believe that this is not all because of Phen. I think you should let her go. Would be the best thing to do.

I am moody with phen, but it never makes me want to leave the man I love...so i think there are other issues there..

Hope it works out for the best.

Ashley