Things can only get better from here

**zoey** · 08-12-2005, 01:05 AM

I started life as a fat baby-10lb3oz. The only things I really remember about my weight as a child is that at age 11 I wore a size 11, at age 12 I was 4'10" and weighed 250. Lost 100 pounds over the next year. By 16 I wore a size 16. I remember that because it was the year I first got married and it was my wedding dress. First husband lasted for about a year until the abuse got so bad I ran away in the middle of the night with 2 babies. That wa 1986. Things got better and aside from typical problems everything was ok until 1999. That was when my oldest daughter who was then 15 was diagnosed as bipolar schizophrenic. In January of 2000, my entire world crashed around me. My beautiful daughter tried to run away from the hospital and was hit by a car on the highway. She died instantly, exactly 2 weeks before her 16th birthday. After that I really didn't see any reason for living. Even though I had 2 more wonderful daughters 14 and 9. I wanted to die and thought of nothing but how I could kill myself without messing up the life insurance for my babies. So I started eating, and nothing else. 3 weeks later, my 14 year old moved in with her boyfriends family. Not with my blessing but I knew she couldn't stand to live with me anymore. My youngest daughter did not show signs of trouble until the next year. She started fighting, stealing, anything else. Turns out she just wanted someone to say she didn't have to live with me anymore. She now lives with other family and life is much better between us. In August of 2001 I met a wonderful man named John. At this point I had ballooned to 275 pounds. I am 5'3". We met on the phone and I was terrified at the idea of meeting him. I knew that as soon as he saw me it was over. Today we both say that we knew we were in love even before the night we met face to face. We have had a wonderful life since then and have been married for almost 2 years now. He loves me anyway I am, and I appreciate that and love him for it. Now it's time for me to love me again.

**magenta** · 08-12-2005, 02:39 PM

WOW you really have been put through the ringer!! :( I am happy to hear you are now in a good situation,and things are much better for you!This has made you a much stronger person.My heart really goes out to you and had tears in my eyes when reading of your daughters fate! :goodman: We will give you all the support you need to help you lose weight and get healthy.Post when you feel like talking,we will all be here to give you encouragement!

**zoey** · 08-12-2005, 03:32 PM

Thanks for your reply. It's taken a long time to get myself back together, but I now feel like i'm emotianally and mentaly alot stronger so now it's time to work on the physical. I started off this morning with a fruit salad and I'm am out working on fences today.

LadyJ · 08-12-2005, 04:43 PM

It is wonderful to hear that you are fighting back and are happy in your life, as you said things will only get better from here. Watch eating fruit salad or fruits in general in the beginning when trying to lose weight because certain fruits are high in sugars.

**zoey** · 08-12-2005, 11:25 PM

Well, considering the heat today I think I did pretty good. I went outside early, about 7:00 to take care of the horses. Worked on the dog pen for a litlle while but it just got too hot!. As soon as it starts cooling off, I will go out and walk the fenceline. I kind of like the idea that I'm accomplishing something rather than just walking to nowhere. I never could stand that. The horses haven't gotten out lately so I guess my fence work is holding up. They never bugged me when I was doing this on the tractor. Driving me crazy following me all over! Well, I guess it's better than being all alone! Had the fruit salad for breakfast. I know it's more sugar than I should have but it seems to help me get moving in the morning. For lunch I had 1/2 cup tuna salad(fat free mayo) stuffed in 1/2 a bell pepper. Still trying to decide about dinner. Drank a full gallon of water already today!

**zippysgoddess** · 08-13-2005, 02:01 AM

Wow, your life has definitely been as interesting as mine, maybe even more so. You are a very strong and wonderful person whose life shows much hope and promise yet to come.

**magenta** · 08-13-2005, 01:26 PM

:shock: WOW you have horses!I love horses,my old horse that I have had for years is in the paddock and retired at 26yrs young!I used to show jump her and do the whole pony club thing.Too much arthritis in her back legs for much exercise now.I love her so much,and miss her because she is at a friends property in the country 1 1/2hrs away.Have to go see her soon.Dont have time or money for horses now which is a shame because they used to be my whole life once!
Enough about me,do you have a property with stables?Do you ride,I havent ridden for about 4yrs,too fat now!Fruit for breakfast is ok as you will burn it off during the day.Mending fences you sound pretty handy with tools.Keep up the good work,you will be slim and fit in no time!

**zoey** · 08-13-2005, 02:01 PM

Good morning. Well, breakfast was good today. One boiled egg, a slice of whole wheat toast with a smudge of sugar free fruit spread, and an apple. Walked the property and fed the horses. Now I'm getting ready to go to the landfill. Gotta throw out the old dog pen materials. Magenta, my old horse is 21. We only saddle him up when little kids come to visit. I don't ride near as much as I would like. By the time I get the horse saddled up and ready, and pull myself up on him, I'm exhausted. I just keep reminding myself that each day I am getting stronger and healthier. We have 5 acres of pasture. No stables, just a three sided enclosure where they can go to get out of the rain or sun.
Oh yeah by the way, today I am serious housecleaning and throwing out my ashtrays. I QUIT!!!!! :smt073