[brandileah]

I have been avoiding starting a diary for fear of failure at yet another diet. I have lost 11 pounds since starting Phentermine on Saturday, I have stuck to my diet, not cheated even once, and have been exercising. I think I have finally convinced myself to lose this weight. I'm really proud of myself thus far.
I'm not getting much support here at home, however, and it's a little discouraging. For example, last night, my fiance and oldest daughter (she's 5) come and ask me to go to the store to get them ice cream. Grrr ! Like that's any fun for me at all, not to mention a whole lot of temptation. I went, and am proud that I resisted. I got myself a trail mix bar made with honey instead.
Then, this morning I was taking my daughter to school. She asked me if I had ever gone bungee (sp) jumping. I said no, but that I would like to someday. She is quiet for a minute, and then she says...I don't think you should do it, you're too fat and you would break the bungee cord. I know she didn't mean to hurt my feelings, but God that broke my heart. She knows I'm fat. I am hurt by it, but plan to use it as incentive to lose this weight. I want her to be proud of me, and think I'm beautiful and healthy.
For me, weight loss tends to be a very emotional experience. I struggle alot with the mental feelings, and not so much on the deprivation of the diet or hard work it takes to exercise. I need to learn to trust my body, and how I feel, instead of second guessing or sabotaging myself.
As far as the phentermine goes, I've been doing well on it. I get a little giddy if I don't exercise to burn off the energy, but other than that it's good. I haven't slept well at all since I started it, but do find that if I take a walk in the evening I sleep better. I'm still not hungry, but if I take my pill early in the morning, I start craving things if I stay up late...like the pill starts to wear off, but that could be a mental thing too. It's better if I take it about 9am so it lasts till I go to bed.
Well, I hope to be close to my goal of 115 by Valentines day, if not a little sooner. I want to wear a particular dress that has been hanging in my closed for a long time. It's a size 4! I'm a size 14 right now.
I gotta run, but plan to keep this up daily, even if I just need to vent about my family or kids...lol!!! :grin:

[zoey]

That's the whole point of having this diary. It's not all about what you did or didn't eat. The emotional factor is one of the most important things. I would like to make a suggestion to you. Do not constantly deprive yourself of things you like. Find a way to alter it or adjust other things to allow for it. If you want ice cream, have some. Get some that is "light" or get sherbet or sorbet. I know sometimes I just want REAL ice cream. I get the little single serve cups or an ice cream bar. If you constantly deprive yourself you will become frustrated and resentful of those around you that are having those things. It's all a matter of making healthy choices. If you decide to have ice cream, fine. Just make plans to cut back on your other carbs and fats that day. Remember it's a lifestyle not a diet. It should be making you feel good, not unhappy. Check out FitDay.com It's a free program that will make it easier to monitor what you're doing and help you learn to keep things in balance so you can still enjoy life. It's really helped me alot and the other people I've talked to who have used it have said the same. Going from a 14 to a 4 in 5 months is a pretty big goal. Try not to push it to hard. If you lose it too fast you may end up losing muscle instead of fat and that is definitely not healthy. I'm not trying to discourage you, I'm just saying keep on working and accept any success for what it is and don't beat yourself up if it's not as fast as you would like. Feel free to use your diary to vent as much as you like. That's what it's here for and we are here for you too. :grin:

[alemicia]

Brandileah

First congratulations on your goals and the great progress you have made towards it already. I know it is hard when your family is not supportive. Of course, your daughter is too little to know better but your husband has no excuse. My advice is to stock the kitchen with healthy meals and snacks you can all enjoy. I love the sugarfree creamsicles and fudgesicles that are only 15 calories or sugar free jello which is also just a few calories. You can treat yourself too sometimes. I don't cook much as it is and my first few days on phen left me with no appetite but my husband still sent me to the store for fried chicken and freaking croissants. Thank goodness I had no desire for them. after that I told him to eat whatever was left in the house because the next time I go shopping for groceries none of that crap will be on the list. Anyway, if your hubby won't support you more you have us. I'm sure once he sees how determined you are he will get more excited about it with you.

[brandileah]

I had a pretty decent day today. I ate well, went for a walk, and had a long talk with my fiance about being more supportive in my weight loss efforts. He agreed to be more supportive, and to watch the kids in the evenings so I can go walking alone (which means I can actually walk faster than a snail, lol). He even said he felt guilty for sending me for the icecream last night, too. I'm glad he is being more understanding, lets hope he sticks to it.
I have been really stressed today about the hurricane. We are hoping it doesn't make it this far inland, but have stocked up with emergency supplies nonetheless. I have been praying so hard for all the people who have been affected by Katrina, and will be affected by Rita.

[zoey]

Brandi I know how you feel. I'me really kind of scared right now. Being only 100 miles from Corpus has freaked me out especially seeing how bad damage was after Katrina even 200 miles inland. Hubby was in Missouri on his way to Chicago when he realized how bad it is. He called his dispatcher and they switched loads on him so he could get back home so I wouldn't have to be alone. I'm praying for you too.

[brandileah]

Today has been a great day. I got to sleep in while my fiance got Hannah ready for school, gave the baby a bottle and took Hannah to school. It was so great. Then he went up to Hannah's school and ate lunch with her. He came home after that and did all the dishes, took out the trash and helped with the baby. I'm also getting ready to go pick him up so he can go with us to Hannah's soccer practice (which he's never attended), and then he's going to watch the girls so I can go for a long walk tonight!!! I'm wondering who took my fiance, and who this replacement is, haha!!! It's wonderful. I guess our talk last night really must have sunk in.
Anyhow, having some help around the house, and to see that he cares about my feelings and respects what I had to say last night really made me feel good about us and myself. I feel like I have what I need now to really be successful at this weight loss.

[lovebliss]

Hi brandileah--

Well that is a lot of progress 11 pounds in less than a week that is a lot. so what was your intial weight? and what is your target goal?

I been a little frustrated because im not loosing much but every little bit counts. I've changed my diet this week so I think i will see better results by my weight in day next week.

Good luck and congratulations.

[zoey]

Brandi that's great. Sometimes people don't realize what's going on until we tell them. I'm glad he listened and cared to make the effort. Now , it's your turn to show you notice and appreciate. Congratulations on the life improvement.