[NolezGirl]

YAY! People responded!

nickdsgrl - A lot of bulimics use their disease as a method of control. Sometimes in the crazy world it's nice to know that there is at least one thing that we have power over...or at least one thing that gives us that illusion as most bulimics I know have no power over it at all. The day that you look forward to puking is a sad one indeed. I'm sorry to hear about your sister. Both my sister and my mother are anorexics (around 85-90 lbs). It's tough.

Carla - COE stands for Compulsive Eating Disorder. Here is a definition that I found online:

"People suffering with Compulsive Overeating have what is characterized as an "addiction" to food, using food and eating as a way to hide from their emotions, to fill a void they feel inside, and to cope with daily stresses and problems in their lives.

People suffering with this Eating Disorder tend to be overweight, are usually aware that their eating habits are abnormal, but find little comfort because of society's tendency to stereotype the "overweight" individual. Words like, "just go on a diet" are as emotionally devestating to a person suffering Compulsive Overeating as "just eat" can be to a person suffering Anorexia. A person suffering as a Compulsive Overeater is at health risk for a heart attack, high blood-pressure and cholesterol, kidney disease and/or failure, arthritis and bone deterioration, and stroke.

Men and Women who are Compulsive Overeaters will sometimes hide behind their physical appearance, using it as a blockade against society (common in survivors of sexual abuse). They feel guilty for not being "good enough," shame for being overweight, and generally have a very low self-esteem... they use food and eating to cope with these feelings, which only leads into the cycle of feeling them ten-fold and trying to find a way to cope again. With a low self esteem and often constant need for love and validation he/she will turn to obsessive episodes of binging and eating as a way to forget the pain and the desire for affection."

I started out with that and then turned to purging. BUT I haven't purged since starting my Phentermine! YAY! Go me!

Day 3 is rounding out quite nicely! I had a total of 626 cals before going into dinner. At dinner there is no way that I had more than 600 cals. I hardly touched anything. I had about 5 chips dipped in salsa, 2 bites of rice and 1.5 very very small (fancy gourmet) enchiladas that were maybe 4 inches for a full one. Then I went out and had 1 martini and a beer. So to be on the safe side I put down 1626 calories consumed in a day. With the 246 that I lost exercising this AM I am at a total of 1380 which is more than I'd like, but less than it'd normally be...especially with a dinner meeting and drinks following. My goal is to average 1200 a day and I am still less than that.

I think that I am starting to notice a difference in my jaw line (first place I lose weight) already. That's making me very very happy.

The pills didn't wear off like I feared they would. It's almost 10:30 and I am still not craving anything from the mini-bar that's staring me down in my hotel room. I am kinda curious as to what time I'll spring out of bed in the morning, whether or not it'll be 5:30 AGAIN. That was crazy. I can't believe that I've been up since 5:15 and am just now starting to get tired. I'll definately be asleep within the next hour.

Until tomorrow...happy weight loss!

[jdysmom]

I commend you on doing so well with your calories. I would drive myself crazy trying to keep track of mine.
Thank you for the info on COE. I'm going to start adding exercise to my schedule tomorrow...I mean regular exercise, none of this, chasing the kids around is my exercise! Today my exercise was rearranging my living room!
I hope the rest of your trip continues to show promise for your caloric intake!
God Bless!

[NolezGirl]

Carla - Did you get your workout in?

Day 4 went fine. The hotel had internet issues last night so I didn't get to post.

I had 1386 cals and did not work out. Instead, since I was tired, I went to bed early and got up early today to workout. I did 30 on the treadmill, I can't wait to get back to my elliptical machine tomorrow!!!

Day 5 started out well with the workout. I am feeling great, I'm feeling very proactive about my weight loss which is keeping me motivated. I haven't peeked at the scale since Monday since I'm on the road and like to weigh in on the same scale so that my weigh ins aren't that skewed.

I am doing an internal cleanse as well, I am very into alternative medicine and holistic medicine. This cleanse requires that I take a concoction in the morning that has OJ in it. So that adds 110 cals a day (which I've been counting) which means that I've actually been eating right around 1200 cals. I'm still trying to average 1200 a day and I am right around there on average since my first day was so low.

Tonight I fly back to Houston and then I have my poker night right after that. It'll be a good time but I definately need to avoid the beer.

I hope that everyone has a good day!

[rdhead_angel]

Hi Jill! You sound like your as motivated to stick this out as I am. Yours is a rockier road having to also deal with an eating disorder but I have a feeling from reading your posts that you'll keep it under control.
I think it's great you keep such good track of everything. I exercise and watch what I eat and drink lots of water but girl you have it down to a science.
Anyway, sorry to hear about the man, that's tough at anytime but you'll find yours. Just focus on yourself and meeting your goals and all of the rest will fall into place.

[NolezGirl]

Thanks rdhead! I'm trying to use the situation with the guy to spur on my exercise, etc. You know...the classic case of "look what you lost" type of thing.

However, today I didn't eat so great. I've only had carbs, I attacked a box of cereal and went back to my binge ways. After visiting my therapist I was more upset and my mind was bouncing all around so I had reeces bites and cereal. Half a box to be honest, and I only stopped b/c it was empty.

The good side of that is that I DIDN'T PURGE. I've been purge free for a week now. It makes me feel like I'm more in control. To be honest, if I eat anything else tonight I might not keep it, but we'll see. I'm going to try not to eat anything else.

I peeked on the scale today. Admit it, you want to know. I was down to 198.2 after a full 5 days. So I've lost 3.8 pounds. Sunday morning is my official weekly WI and I am hoping (praying) for another pound to be gone.

My friend is coming over both of Sat and on Sun to workout. We really push each other so we'll do at least an hour of cardio both those days plus intensive weights. I wanted to work out today but after my binge I wanted to cuddle with my dogs which turned into a nap. I'll get enough in over the weekend. So I guess today was kind of a let loose day, but I've still only had abot 1500 cals. That sounds like so much!

One of my friends is also on Phen and she is losing faster than me. She's only eating 500 cals a day. That is so tempting!!!! But no, I will trust the scientists that say that we need at least 1200. They better not have lied!

[NolezGirl]

UGH! Last night was horrible! I mean, it was fun, but so bad eating wise. I had way too much to drink and then I came home and binged. I wanted to purge so bad but I didn't. I felt disgusting keeping the food in me.

Today I don't even feel like eating. Water water water is on the schedule for me. It's beautiful out and I don't even feel like leaving my apartment.

Hangovers are no fun. Apparently I won't be working out anytime today.

[NolezGirl]

This morning marked the WI for the end of my first week. I weighed in at 198 even, so I've lost 4 pounds exactly. I'm pretty happy with it so far! Especially considering that I had a binge and a hangover and therefore didn't get a lot of the exercise in that I had planned on.

Today I have a Superbowl party to go to. I think that the main thing I'll have to worry about it not drinking. I am driving so it shouldn't be too hard.

I'm still kinda blah today. I am debating only counting cals on the weekdays and just eating sensibly on weekends. We'll see.

[NolezGirl]

I can't believe that it's taken me so long to post again! AGH! I weighed myself again on Monday and was back up to 198.2. I am blaming this on not drinking enough water, drinking too much alcohol, and binging/purging. I am back on track though!

I am really hoping to see a loss on Friday when I get to weigh. Even if it's just a pound, I'll be psyched! I am starting to see changes in my face still (jaw area) and my stomach looks a little flatter to me.

I am also doing an internal cleanse that is a parasite/intestinal cleanse. I do all sorts of alternative medicine type of stuff like that. I've been a bit lazy with working out and I think that may contribute. I do plan on getting back to the gym tonight! I need it!