[Carr_E]

I am new to all of this, and decided to start my journal. I have been taking phentermine for about three weeks and have noticed a big difference. I have no idea what I weigh because I was terrified to get on a scale and see the number. I know I went from a size 4 or 6 (depending on who made it) to a 16. I am very happy that I now wear a 14 and they are getting loose on me. I try to hide my weight, people have really noticed my weight loss, and that feels great. I want to get back to a 4-6, but we will see. It all started about a year ago, maybe longer. I was very involved in beauty pageants. After winning a very large title, I was off to an international pageant. Then it all began. People on message boards tear most us apart. And did they ever.Well, I read it all, let it effect me, and got depressed and ate. Then I gained weight, got more depressed and ate more.And it just continued. I have never been like this before and I hate it.I work in a restaurant and bar, so yes I find myself eating when its slow, when im bored, just whenever. I decided to start keeping a journal because after reading for weeks how truly positive and supportive everyone is, I know I could use it. I have sat back quietly and been cheering all of you on for awhile. I am so truly impresed with with all of your weight loss and attitudes. I find myself getting excited when I see you have all lost weight, and hope all of you keep it up. You are doing a great job! I have decided today to go buy a scale before work so I can see just where I am at. I will let you all know tonight when I get home from work. It feels good to just let this out. I have never before even talked about how I feel about my weight gain. So it feels good to just sit here and vent about it!

[rainbow_tears]

Hi hun, vent away (jeez I vent like hell in my journal!!)

welcome to the boards
x

[Carr_E]

Thanks for the welcome. I didn't have time to pick up a scale before work. Wish I did so I could know how much weight I am loosing. I think it will keep me motivated to see some pounds going away. I was able to be at work for 9 hours and not eat like a total cow. Or try all our new beers! I hated beer untill about 2 years ago....now I love it. Sadly as we all know how fattening it is, so I have quit drinking entirely. Too many calories and sugar. Besides, as I have gotten older, wow, do I get horrable hangovers now. While I am trying to loose my weight, a cosmo is not going to help me at all. Too bad there is no cosmo diet, I would of been a size 2 a long time ago. Do any of you get real hungry late at night? I have been having a protein shake, I don't want to eat something real heavy before I go to sleep. Was wondering what all of you do. I am also having a REAL hard time working out. I have no motivation to go to the gym. I simply hate working out, but know I have to if I want to loose the weight.

[susanpesek]

Hi Carr_e! I chuckled outloud when I read the 2 entries you made in your journals. They were so open and honest and probably exactly like each of us has done. That's what got us in this position in the 1st place! :eek: We are here because we ate wrong, exercised wrong and dieted wrong. Changing all that takes a lot of chutzpah. (That one MUST be a real word) It's a big challenge.
Take one thing at a time. If you aren't ready for 30 minutes at the gym, try 5 minutes a day at home. Done consistently, when you are ready to move on, your body will tell you when.
The phenermine can be a great tool; it is the best I have ever used. It isn't for everyone but has been wonderful for me to learn how to be healthy.
We write whatever we want in our own journals, and in each other's journals! You are a dear~ Keep being open and honest. It helps to keep each other on the up and up!

[Carr_E]

Uh..what a day..thank god its over. I did pretty good today. I try to stick to a low carb diet. If I don't make a concious effort to do so I find I can make excuses to myself to eat something I should not. And if I do eat it, I feel guilty for it, figured my diet is done for the day and keep right on chowin' on them club sandwiches. (or whatever else I am craving) And then the inevitable guilt kicks in. And I beat myself up. And lets not forget how crappy my self esteem was (at times still is) Who knew I could get my self esteem to such an all time low. I should of received a metal or something, cuz I did a number on it. Forget it. It's just easier and much less drama to eat right. But I still think it sucks. I mean it's not like I wake up in the morning and think....oh yummy!!! I get to have broccoli for lunch today!!! Hell no. I am thinking ...."I know those eggo waffles are totally freezer burt...but MAYBE... You get the picture. I am my own worst enemy. So I have noticed since I started taking Phen how many REALLY bad habbits I had. I use to dump massive sugar in my ice tea, a ton of dressing on my salad..you name it. Wow what an eye opener. How could I not have noticed? I guess I just didn't want to. If I aknowledged it, well then, I would have to do something about it. And frankly I was having fun. I thought. Oh and no I didn't get that damn scale. I swear its not because I am freaked out about it. Just didn't have time. Plus I wonder how darn accurate it is. I just don't care about the weight. Well I do, but I care more about what size I am. Besides I am 5'9" with alot of "work done" if ya know what I mean. Which by the way was the STUPIDEST thing I have ever done!! Why the heck didn't I listen to my mom? again. I want to do a huge pageant in July so I am actually having them taken out. I am sick of my back hurting. And no tops looking good on me. Well, besides the fact I wear my clothes really baggy...(to hide my fat of course!) Who did I was kidding? myself maybe??? I think my swimwear score might still be ok without them. And if all the other girls are much bigger than me...well, thats why god made padded swimwear tops. I have a long day tommorrow, then staying with my boyfriend!! yeah! Hes extreamly supportive of my weight loss. Thank goodness or I would have to trade him in on for a more supportive one. Just kidding he's amazing. And makes me go for walks, do lunges and that icky work out stuff. Well enough out of me. I am off to bed with my cammomile tea pretending it's a cosmo..cheers!

[Carr_E]

Yea!! I got an appointment for next week for a good surgon about having my implants taken out. I have seen 2 others, but was not impressed with them. And they were so cheap that kind of scared me. You defenetly get what you pay for. I should only be out for about 4 days when I have it done, thank goodness. I hate that I did this to my body, but I try and remind myself how lucky I am that I never got sick from mine, like many women did. I have heard the stories and they are terrable. My day is already off to an interesting start. My roommate and I have 2 little kittens. Brother and sister. Well, she went into heat early. Thank goodness I caught it and got him in to get fixed. She is still going crazy and and driving me crazy as well. Everything in this house is a toy to them. Including my cell phone, which I have no idea where it is. I am not amused. I am off to work, the people I work with have been great about my diet. Especially the chefs. They won't even make me anything bad for me. I tried to order a cup of salmon chowder and they wouldn't give it to me! Guess its like 800 calories a cup. not joking. One thing I have noticed is how fattening restaurant food is. If people really knew...wow. When you count all the sauces, and what its cooked in, it sure adds up. Even our "healthy" menu is not so healthy. Oh well, I make due. Hopefully I will find my phone..damn cats.

[dreamy039]

Welcome to the forum Carr_E
This is a great place to get motivated.... I wanted to wish you luck on your diet and to let you know that we are all here
to help or listen. Keep us posted on how things are going..
oh yeah good luck on finding your cell phone....Dreamy

[susanpesek]

Hi Carr_E! I am stopping by to let you know I'm watching you! So don't TRY ANYTHING like eating waffles!!! If I have to send over the food Police, I will! PLUS, I have had a the Special Forces remove and dispose of all the tea and sugar from your cabinets at home. Somebody HAD to force this intervention!:o