Going crazy

**smithy2006** · 10-18-2006, 07:49 PM

ok, so I feel like I am going crazy right now.
In Dec. my sis moved in with hubby and me 7 months pregnant. The 3 of us have done everything together, lamaze, the nursery, this awesome baby girl we all love. My hubby and I are footing the bill for pretty much everything so far minus like 400 bucks she paid us for rent. We pay daycare, groceries, all our home bills, etc. (I am 5 yrs older and my sis is working as a waitress and going to school). All along, my sis didn't know whether or not she wanted to tell the father. We live in a different county, so the baby was pretty easy to hide. I felt it was her decision and although I didn't want to share the baby, we know whats its like to have no dad around, and sis didn't want to be the reason Addi had no dad.
My hubby and I love this baby. We have literally been her parents to this whole time. My hubby has been against telling him all along for multiple reasons (wants to be the only man in her life, scared he'll want custody, etc).
Long story shorter, sis told the dad this weekend. He and his family are soo excited, I mean, she had kinda kept them from 7 months of Addi's life. I cried when she told me, but after listening realized we are not losing Addi. I can see this is a happy thing, she is wanted and its more people to love her. However, hubby is pissed. I told him that sis had told the dad and he lost it, threw up, then punched our fence for 10 minutes, then said some mean stuff about sis, then left and stayed the night at the shop. Now hes saying lets go away this weekend and let her get a sitter for herself (we usually watch her any time sis isn't around.) Hes being so self-centered and refusing to see this as bigger than him. I am so losing it. I am i the middle and turning against my hubby over it for being petty, and immature. Hes so mad.

amandads · 10-18-2006, 11:50 PM

I'm really not sure if you are looking for help or support or what on this topic, but I do wanna say a couple things if you don't that is.

I don't think your husband is mad persay, I get the feeling it's more hurt. He's grown attached to Addi, (adorable name btw) and he feels like he's losing her. That's understandable if you think about it. He doesn't know, as I'm sure you don't yet, all the plans that her Daddy or your sister are making or thinking yet. I think I would be hurt and confused and yes a bit mad in the same situation. You've contributed alot to your sister and Addi so far and right now he may be feeling a bit used also. Of course this is just my opinion and I don't know him, but I would feel that. Maybe there's a bit of resentment there on his side.
Take the weekend w/ him, and yes let her find a sitter on her own. I understand that she's 5 years younger than you and you want to help and protect her , but having a little sister myself (she's only 2 years younger) if you don't force them to "grow up" and try it on their own, they won't. My sister lived at home until she was 26 years old and still "expects" my mom to help her when she needs it. Same for me. I finally had to tell her no. But while your away, talk things over w/your husband and figure out what he's feeling and what he's thinking. Don't push him away, just find out what's going on w/ him. It's worth a shot.

**susanpesek** · 10-19-2006, 01:55 AM

:o We naturally try to protect the ones we love whether it is sister, husband, baby, whoever!
There seem to be too many people your husband feels responsible for. He really needs a tender heart right now, so go on for the weekend and just love each other some.
Without risking any of baby Addi's love, I think I would tell sister she had to be out by the end of the school year, for HER good, not just for yours. That gives her plenty of time to save and talk and find a place and plan.Once the decision is made, you guys might have a lot of fun planning it together! Perhaps she can share an apartment with another student and still be nearby so ya'll can see each other often.
You ALL need some fresh air and a new perspective. A weekend away may be just the thing!:p

**smithy2006** · 10-21-2006, 05:33 AM

thanks, I decided to go this weekend. we are leaving tomorrow after sis gets off work. i helped her find a sitter for sunday because i felt that i wasn't going to leave her high and dry because she did what i believe was the right thing to do. but we are going to monterey and i am too excited for some much needed alone time with hubby.

rainbow_tears · 10-21-2006, 09:44 AM

Hope you and your hubby have a awesome weekend.
x

**smithy2006** · 10-24-2006, 05:33 AM

weekend was great. Ended up in Disneyland, 4 hours away, but had fun, and eased the tension a lot. thanks for all the great advice.

rainbow_tears · 10-24-2006, 12:18 PM

*mutters I WANNA GO TO DISNEYLAND*

Hope you had a blast!
x

rainbow_tears · 10-30-2006, 01:09 PM

How you doing? Not seen you post in a while, I really hope you are still on the wagon and going well. Let us know! Let us help guide you and support you.
x