[kshannasmile2]

So... Im 19 and I am extremely overweight. I have been struggling with my weight since I was in the 6th grade. I was also enrolled in dance school since the 2nd grade and stopped my seinor year of high school because of finacial issues. I was always the biggest girl in the class, but I was also one of the best in the class but it still bothered me that everyone else was so much thinner than I was. They looked the way a dancer is supposed to and i didnt. It always got worse when it was time to get measured for costumes (they did it in front of everyone!) I was always so ashamed of my size. I loved dance but it was depressing me every time I walked into that studio. I actually had a period of purging,but it never worked I would just gain the weight i lost right back. So I would eat even more. Then when i had to stop dance I worked at Sonic so it was really hard not to eat all that fatty food and ice cream when it was right in front of you and FREE! So I gained even more weight. My mom was always telling me how fat i was . That didnt help it just made me more depressed. And I went from one food service job to another and kept gaining weight from all of the food and lack of exercise because dance was gone. Then its like I just started eating out of boredom. Dance was my only hobby because it was so time consuming and now I had nothing else to do....except... go to work... eat at work....go to school and eat there...watch t.v while eating...and just plain eat when theres nothing to do. Meanwhile my mom is still yelling "youre too fat! thats not cute! An people saying "You would be so pretty if you just lost weight" So I ate even more. Now Im in the position that I am today. Ive been dating My BF for 2.5 years. I weighed 215ish when we met now I weigh 265. I says he didnt notice the weight and he doesnt think Im fat(he doesnt like skinny chicks), but How could you not see it?!!! I know hes just being nice because he loves me but you have to be blind not to see a 60lb weight gain! Were like opposites hes bodybuilder body type. I mean huge but its not fat. While Im like 99.9% body fat. He's always asked me if I wanted to work out with him but I always say no because im embarassed. He loves to work out, its his favorite hobby. So I work out 3-4x a week at an all womens gym called 'inches a weigh' and im in the 'weight know more' diet center where I get my phen from. I just want to be healthy and I want to actually be the person he sees me as because I know Im far from it. I want be able to take my little sis to the carnival and not worry if i can fit on the rides. I want to be able to wear the clothes that people my age are wearing. I want to be able to not wear a sweatshirt all the time because im hiding my stomach. I want to be able to walk to my 4th floor class without dying from exhuaston. I want to see my collar bones again! and Im tired of my thighs touching! I only need one chin! Im tired of people asking me if im pregnant! No im just FAT! Im tired of getting new stretch marks every day! Im tired of back fat showing through every shirt I wear! Im sick of muffin tops! I want to be able to wear regular pants without them looking like skinny jeans b/c there tight. I want to beable to wear shorts darn it! Im tired of Snoring really loud a night and knee pains! Im tired of my stomach sticking out as much as my boobs! And im a DD cup! Im tired of having a stomach flap! Im tired of being "the fat girl" in my group of freinds when we go out! Im just sick and tired and fed up with everything and Im finally doing something about it because IM TIRED OF BEING FAT!!!

[denvergirl]

First off, congratulations for taking control of your future! You are choosing to get healthy and move away from your past decisions ~ that is awesome! You have found an excellent support system. There are fabulous people that have been there and are there right now that want to encourage and share with you. This is a tough journey and you do not have to do it alone. So glad to hear you have a supportive BF ~ what a blessing! Some days are going to be fabulous and some will be tough. When you feel discouraged, re-read your first post and remember what you are fighting for. . .you can and WILL do this! Look forward to watching your progress

[maureen150]

you can do it !!!! you are so young and just think if us old farts lol can do it. you have youth on your side lol The best advice i can say is just take it one day at a time and if you go off a little just do better the next day . I have started with small changes like i cut off drinking coffee then the next week i walked ten minutes more then usual the trick is just do some little changes in your life and you will see a diiferrence and then you will want to keep stepping it up!!

[spice2621]

Hello there! Welcome aboard!!! I am glad you have came aboard...we are here for support...keep us updated with your progress..maybe if you are not already track your food and exercise..I use Free Diet Plans at SparkPeople it's free and it gives alot of useful tips too. Please keep us updated okay...have a great night!

[rnred05]

Hun, Thank you so much for being so real in your first post! I have always felt like I was the "fat" friend also but I can't say I have been where you are right now because only you know how you are feeling! I hate that your mom is like that with you! She should be the first one cheering you on! You are so blessed though to have a wonderful boyfriend the loves you the way you are now and is so supportive of you! You are very lucky in that way!! There are not many girls that have that same luck!! Remember you didn't gain all the weight over night and it won't come off over night so just hang in there and remember it is a marathon not a sprint as one of our members put it in her journal (denvergirl I think). Take baby steps and remember this is a life long journey you are going to have to fight! WE are all here for you!! This forum is great for inspiration, encouragement, advice, and friendships!! Just ask us anything you are concerned about and we will help our best! I know you are going to do great!!! One more thing remember that one little slip up is not a reason to quit!! After the slip up remember why you are doing this and jump right bag on the wagon!! Hang in there hun!! Good Luck!
Tiff

[kshannasmile2]

I want to thank all of you guys for your support!! I didnt think anyone would ever want to read story/rant. I promise to keep you updated as much as possible. I am very very lucky to have my guy and greatful everyday. Rnred05 and denvergirl you guys are so right about it being a marathon. Its a never-ending journey because it has to be a lifestyle, not a diet, a fad, or a quick fix just to fit in some dress. Its a constant job. Even simple things like should I really eat the fries or do I go for the mandarin oranges (wich i so love) or should I watch this George Lopez(one of my fav shows!) rerun or should I go for a 30 min walk instead. With anything I do I try to think, "is this helping or hurting"and I try to choose the better of the two. (my mind is strong , but my burger craving stomach is weak!) I went to the gym today (inches a weigh) and I did my 40 mins cardio (10min eliptical hill climb program and 30min treadmill @ 2 incline and 2.8 speed) and all of the mahcines.(6 in total) I try to increase my speed on the treadmill by 0.1 every week but when I did it this time I almost died! I could only do it for 10mins @ 2.9 before I had to take it down a notch to 2.8 for the remaining 20mins. I was so dissappointed in myself. I guess Ill have to work my way up to it slower than the others. I like the machines there, but I feel like I should be doing more for my arms and stomach area so Im going to start using my dad's home-gym-thingy for my arms and some leg work and do my NYC ballet DVDs. Like I said those machines at the gym are cool and all but by the time I get home I feel like I could do them all over again.(minus the treadmil and eliptical) I have got to start taking my phen way earlier because as you can see, Im wide awake and its 2am. I only take a half of one and im still awake. Oh yeah and yay for me for getting all of my required water and then some today!!! That rarely happens for me but Im working on it. Im about to take a shower and see if I can get some sleep because I have class tommorow!

[rnred05]

Cravings!! I hate cravings!! Tonight in the cafe they had buffalo chicken sandwichs and fries and like everyone up here got them for dinner!! I had to tell myself to walk away several times before I stole a fry!!! I knew if I did still one, one would lead to 2 and so forth lol!!! But I beat the urge!! Go me!! Now if I could just do that with ice cream!! Now missy you need to go to bed!! LOL
Tiff

[spice2621]

Hello again!!! Great job on your work out...yes I agree slowly work your way up...then slowly work your way up...glad you are enjoying the support. We are here for you. Have a great day!